I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
