i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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