He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
