as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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