Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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