My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
