ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I woke up under a house in Key West
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