i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
