I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
