Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
