Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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