hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
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