They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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