Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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