TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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