she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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