My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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