its not stalking. its research.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
