he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
