I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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