On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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