dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
