Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
