There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
