I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
