So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You pole danced in your parka.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
