Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
