It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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