i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
