For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
