My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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