i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize