listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
