I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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