I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
