I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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