I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
