i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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