You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
