NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
