Midget sex pt 2 tonight
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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