3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Randomize
