You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Shame - the story of my life.
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