I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
