don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
