How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
