You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
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Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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