if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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