i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Randomize
