Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
