just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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