Umm I'm too high to move.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
