I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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