the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
