omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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