i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
