if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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