i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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