A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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