I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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