If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All I want is dick and wine.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
