It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Are we still banned from the library?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
