There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
