these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
