I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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