im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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