the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
