Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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