So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
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Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize