this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
