Soap is not a condiment
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I am never drinking with the goths again.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
